Burning Up Read online

  “I’ve missed you so much. When you left that day, I thought I’d never hold you in my arms, feel your body against mine, kiss these lips, or hear the sound of your voice ever again. I’ve been living in hell without you. You’re my angel, and I can’t find heaven without you. Why didn’t you call me? How did you get here?” He began trailing tiny kisses over my forehead and down my cheeks to my jaw. He was making it difficult for me to think or even form a coherent sentence. I wanted to lose myself in his arms and as I inhaled the sweet scent of vanilla and cologne that I had grown so comforted by, I sighed deeply.

  “I knew I had to be with you, Jared. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, wanting you and my heart hurt more with every day we were apart. The thought of never being together again, tore me apart, and I couldn’t bare it. I got on a plane and asked Daniel to pick me up from the airport. I wanted to surprise you, please don’t be mad.”

  He smiled against my cheek before placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

  “Mad? Layla, I’m so happy I could burst from pure, unbridled joy. I’m amazed, elated, and I feel like I’m dreaming. God, if I am, please don’t wake me.”

  We stood for what felt like an eternity just holding one another. His hands clenched me tightly as his lips pressed long and lingering kisses against my own. Caught up in my bliss, I was startled when a loud buzzing came from my pocket. It instantly reminded me that I’d forgotten to call my mother and my friends. Or maybe it was Ollie. The thought hit me like a bullet. Ollie. I felt instantly sick with guilt and I knew it was something I was going to have to grow accustomed to.

  I’d made my decision and I had to make him my past now. There couldn’t possibly be any way back for us now. Surely, we couldn’t be friends. Jared would never be comfortable about it if we were. It was better that I severed all ties, for both of our sakes; even though the thought of never being near him again was crushing my heart like a vice. I’d hurt him, and he would never forgive me for this.

  I gave Jared a rueful look. Tilting my chin up, he regarded me with an arched brow. “What is it? What’s wrong?” I shook my head.

  “I just have to call my mom and the girls. I promised I would when I landed. Do you mind?” He breathed a sigh of relief.

  “I thought maybe you were having second thoughts about being here. Of course I don’t mind. Where are your bags?” I pointed toward the elevator.

  “I’ll take them to the master suite and give you some privacy.” He pulled me close for another heart stopping, body melting kiss. My insides heated as his hands roamed freely over my arms and grasped my behind tightly. Down girl. You just got here.

  Jared moaned gratefully into my mouth, and I knew he’d been thinking the same. I smiled against his warm lips.

  Sliding his hands from around me, he held my own in his, entwining our fingers. His thumb brushed over my bare finger where my ring once sat, sparkling and full of promises neither of us had kept. He sighed deeply and grimaced. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the area gently.

  We didn’t need to dwell on it and I didn’t need to talk about it. We both knew our mistakes already and dragging up our past was only going to upset us both. Smiling at him, I shrugged.

  “I’ll go call my mom. Should I come find you after?” The corners of his mouth curled upward.

  “No, I’ll come back. You go make your calls.”

  Reluctantly, he allowed his hand to slip from mine as he walked away across the foyer. Picking up my heavy bags with very little effort, he glanced back at me. “I love you, Layla, more than you even know.” I smiled back at him and nodded. “I know. I love you, too.”

  I meant every word, but they were also true for someone else. My mind wandered to the man I’d left behind. I couldn’t help it and I knew that this feeling would not go away quickly. I loved Ollie and knowing how much he would be hurting right now was killing me. The truth was, I was hurting, too.

  I watched as Jared climbed the winding marble staircase and disappeared from sight. Reaching into my pocket, I slid my cell phone out and found a text from my mother asking if I had landed yet. Rolling my eyes, I dialed and headed into the room Jared had exited.

  “Layla. I’ve been worried sick. Are you okay?” Her tone was serious and concerned.

  “I’m fine, Mom. I’m actually at Jared’s place right now. I can’t really talk long.”

  “Okay baby. I know you two must have a lot to talk about. I’ll call you tomorrow?” I sighed heavily.

  “Yeah. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too, baby. We both do.”

  Hanging up, I took in my surroundings. The room was enormous. Large windows made up the far wall and the rest of the room was a brilliant white. Black leather couches and a modern, minimalistic décor gave the place a very sterile and cold feeling. If it hadn’t been for the fireplace at the end of the room, I would have felt chilled based solely on the color scheme.

  A long, sleek, black-surfaced bar stood to the right of the right of the fireplace. It was stocked with every liquor, beer, and wine imaginable. Jared had excellent taste in wines. I had learned that first hand on our date.

  My cell buzzed in my hand and I quickly answered without checking the I.D. A friendly and slightly over excited voice, screeched down the line at me. “Layla! Where are you? How did it go? Was he totally surprised? Tell us everything!”

  I giggled at Amy’s excitement and as I heard Mel’s voice echo from the background, I asked Amy to put me on speaker.

  “I’m at Jared’s place. He was shocked to see me, but then again, I should have expected that. There really isn’t anything to tell. He’s taking my bags upstairs and I don’t have long till he gets back. We have a lot to talk about.” I heard Amy sigh heavily.

  “Have you spoken to Ollie?” She sounded apprehensive. I knew she was scared to hear how he’d taken the news and as I told her about the text, I hated myself for how I had chosen to tell him. It was cold and so impersonal. Surely, I at least owed him a proper explanation?

  Amy gasped. “I can’t believe you dumped him by text, Layla! That’s awful! You know that, right? He must be devastated.”

  She was yelling and I was now getting the full, Amy, lecture on the etiquette of dumping and ditching. The word ‘dumped’ echoed in my ears. I hadn’t dumped Ollie; he wasn’t trash. I had to choose and this was where my gut had taken me.

  “There was always going to be a broken heart at the end of all of this, Amy. I wish so much that there was another way, but there’s not. I’ve chosen my path and now I have to walk down it. Ollie will forget about me in time and he’ll move on, find someone else, and be unbelievably happy.”

  The thought of Ollie with someone else brought a lump to my throat and a sharp pain stabbed through my chest. I loved him. It was selfish and though I had chosen not to be with him, I didn’t want anyone else to have him. Not yet.

  I listened carefully for any sign of Jared. Silence.

  Whispering into the receiver, I held the cell close to my face. “I miss him Amy. I know I’ve made my choice but I do love him. He hasn’t called, texted, or anything. He hasn’t tried to change my mind. I think he’s finally given up and … I’m glad.” Liar. “We can both move on now. Right?” I knew the answer and they did, too. I heard Mel snort.

  “If you say so Layla. It’s too late now, anyway. Ollie will get over it. He’s a big boy and it’s a hard lesson, but we can’t always get what we want.” She was right. I needed to get my shit together and get past this. Guilt I could handle, but holding on to feelings for the man I left behind? That was just cruel and unfair to Jared. I’d put him through enough and I had some making up to do. Saying my goodbyes to the girls, I hung up; picked up the glass Jared had left on the table, and made my way over to the bar.

  If we were going to have the conversation that I knew was inevitably coming, then I needed a drink. Call it Dutch courage if you like, but I call it steadying my nerves. I poured myself a glass of bou
rbon and inhaled the bitter scent deeply. It was familiar and memories of both Jared and Ollie drinking it flooded my mind. I sighed deeply, held the glass to my lips and was about to take a drink, when I heard him clear his throat, loudly. Lowering the glass, I turned to find him leaning against the door frame, watching me with an arched brow. Damn him and that brow.

  “Do you really need that to talk to me?” He pointed at the glass in my hand. I shrugged and stared at the pungent liquid as it sloshed around the glass.

  “Layla, you don’t need an alcohol shield. We’re just talking. You’re here and that’s the important thing. But we both have things to say. It’s best we do it now rather than later.”

  He sauntered over and took the glass from my hand. Shooting me a half smile, he downed it and spluttered.

  “Straight, huh?”

  I chuckled as his face screwed up. Jared preferred a little soda with his liquor. Shaking his head, he held out his hand for mine. I obliged gladly and smiled as he lifted it to his face and held it against his cheek. Pressing a kiss to my palm, he gazed at me.

  “Come, sit with me.” He led me to the couch and we sat side by side. Our fingers entwined and rested between us. I stared at the floor. I didn’t know what to say or where to begin. But fortunately, I didn’t have to.

  “Layla, I need to know what happened to us. Where did it all just fall apart? Why?" It was a simple question with a difficult answer.

  “We both fucked it up, Jared. We could never seem to just be honest with each other. You had your secrets and you were so infuriatingly intense all the time. Sometimes I felt like I was flying while other times I felt like you were suffocating me. I don’t think we were really broken until …”

  “Until you kissed him …” he interrupted.

  My lips pressed into a hard line and I nodded. It was the truth. That kiss had sealed my fate where Ollie and I were concerned. I lusted, ached, and longed for him. The sexual chemistry between us was tangible.

  That kiss had confirmed it and I was powerless to control the fallout it created. The way I felt about him now, well, that was something entirely different. It was something that had surprised even me.

  “That broke me, Layla. I’d given you everything, including my trust and faith. Then, finding out you’d betrayed me like that, even if you didn’t want or ask for that kiss, you still kept it from me. You broke my trust in you.”

  I understood how he must have felt, but I hadn’t been the only one to mess up. Lifting my head I stared across the room at the bar.

  “You broke my trust, too. That morning I found Lucy at the house, it almost destroyed me. Even now I can’t get over why you kept it from me. You say you trusted me, but you clearly didn’t trust me enough to tell me you had a sister. We both played our parts in this Jared. We lied, hid things, and snuck around. I know it must have really hurt you when you found out about Ollie and me at Christmas. I didn’t want you find out that way. Mel was so wrong to do that.”

  He let out a long and exasperated sigh.

  “Layla, you know why I couldn’t tell you about Lucy. I thought we went over that. It wasn’t about trust. It was about keeping you safe. Look what happened in Felix’s apartment. Look at what he almost did to you! I can’t even think about what could have happened to you. It makes me sick. And no, I can’t say that particular piece of news really made my Christmas. It’s right up there with you walking out on me, twice, and you telling me you love him. All things I’d rather forget.” He held my chin between his thumb and finger and turned me to face him. His piercing blue eyes penetrated my soul.

  “This brings me to my next question, and I need the truth. Do you still love him?”

  I gulped, and he saw it. It was also written painfully all over my face. I nodded, completely unable to force a single word past the lump in my throat.

  He nodded back at me, released my chin and pressed his lips into a hard line.

  “Then why are you here?”

  I reached out and cupped his face in my hands forcing him to look into my eyes as I spoke. “Because I want us to have this chance. How often does a feeling like this come along? I chose you, Jared. I’m here and I’m staying. I’m serious about us and I want to be with you. It’s true; I love him. I won’t lie about it. A small piece of me always will. He was my friend first and I’m sure, in time, it’ll fade. But this thing between us is strong, and I know where I am meant to be.” I traced my fingertips down his neck to his chest, resting my palm over his thundering heart.

  “I belong right here … with you. I love you.”

  His eyes burned and I could feel his breathing quickening beneath my hand.

  In a swift movement, he leapt at me, pushing me down onto the couch with his weight as he pressed me into the thick leather cushions. He kissed me deeply as his hands roamed over my body. I melted in his arms. It was familiar, secure, and I ached to be closer to him in every way. But as his hand slid inside my shirt, I halted him, gripping his wrist in my palm.

  He snapped his head up and stared at me, wounded and confused.

  “No. I can’t. Not yet. Too much of us, is about sex. I just got here, and we still have so much to talk about.”

  “What is there to talk about? You’re here, I’m here, we love each other and I want you, Layla. I ache for you. I thought you felt the same or did I read you wrong?”

  He wasn’t wrong. He was unbelievably right. He usually was. I was hot for him, that was obvious to both of us, but we were falling back into our old patterns, and let’s be honest, they didn’t exactly work for us before.

  “I do want you. I want you so much that it’s making me crazy. But this is too fast. I want us to get to know each other again. I want us to be friends as well as lovers. Don’t you?”

  “We are friends, we always were. You’re my best friend Layla.”

  “The best friend you didn’t trust with secrets? The best friend you lied to and hurt? I know I’m not innocent in it all, but you have to see that we need time. I’m not going to run, Jared. I’m here. I chose you. Sex won’t make me want to be with you. This does.”

  I took his hand and placed it on my chest. He gazed at me and smiled a little. “I love you. We don’t need to rush. We have all the time in the world.”

  His smile widened and he slowly leaned closer. His lips were so close to mine I could feel his warm breath on my own partially opened mouth. I sighed gently. His lips were simply delicious. They made me quiver just knowing what those lips could do to me. I remembered how they could make me need, ache, and beg for him.

  “You’re anxious.”

  I gazed at him as his hand reached up and pulled my bottom lip from the clamping of my teeth on it. I hadn’t even noticed I was doing it. I wasn’t anxious; I was excited and turned on purely from the proximity of his body to mine.

  I pressed my lips together and he shook his head lightly before closing the tiny space between us and kissing me again. I could feel my resolve weakening. Kisses from Jared were more than pleasurable. They were essential to my very existence. Abstinence was going to be very difficult.

  He had the ability to make me clench on demand and he knew just how to do it. He groaned into my mouth and I felt it all the way through my body to the bottom of my stomach.

  Feeling the heat between us simmering again, I pressed my hands firmly against his chest and pushed him away from me. I was panting and he was equally as aroused. His eyes had that all too familiar darkness that I had grown to adore. Self-control was the key to this right now, and I wasn’t sure I had enough for both of us.

  Springing to my feet, I stomped over to the bar. I grabbed the bottle and glass and poured myself a drink. After all, he’d stolen my first one. He sat back on the couch and stared at me. I lifted the glass to my lips and caught his gaze. He shook his head slowly in warning.

  “Seriously? I’m almost twenty one for crying out loud and right now a strong drink would certainly steady my nerves.”

  He arched a br
ow and I pressed my lips tightly together. Damn him and that brow! I huffed and soon discovered that it may have been a poor decision. Jared wasn’t one to take my tantrums lightly. I felt I was right, though.

  “Sass. You’ve been here less than two hours and you’re sassing me.” Did he just use the word sass? I wanted to giggle, but the look on his face was full of that erotic mischief I loved so much. I took a deep breath and tried hard to seem un-rattled.

  “You sure you want to play this game? Right now you’re making all the rules. If you hadn’t just put the veto up on my advances, I’d have a good mind to take you over my knee and spank that sass out of you.”

  Holy fuck.

  I wanted him to. I wanted him to smack my ass till I was raw. I’d missed that strong and forceful hand that Jared so readily gave me. It made me feel … sedated. I know it’s strange but in a way, I needed that. I had a habit of getting lost in my thoughts and out of control with my own anger, stubbornness, and demands. Jared brought me down off my soap-box with a simple look or darkened gaze.

  A spanking would send me spiraling out of control right now. My libido was dancing the cha-cha and my insides were clenching so hard, a single touch might push me over the edge. But he was right. I was making the rules and that meant playing by them, too.

  “I would strongly suggest that you put it down, though. You don’t need it. You’ve no reason to be nervous around me.”

  I snorted, “I don’t?” Because I was sure it was you that had just had me panting on the couch.

  He stood and sauntered over to me. His chest pressed against me as he stood so close. His tone was serious. “No. You made a rule and I’ll play by it. You said take things slow and I’ll do just that. No pressure and no pleasure till you say so.”

  I gave him a suspicious look. He’d really abstain from any sexual contact with me till I gave him the go ahead?

  “Don’t give me that look. I promise. This is your game, Layla. I’m merely a player in it. That being said, I do have one rule of my own.”