Diary of a Dieter Read online

  “You, Doctor, are the best.”

  Placing the flowers on my coffee table, I slumped onto the sofa. Adam sat beside me and draped an arm over the back.

  “What’s wrong? Tough day?”

  I nodded. “I have a project that is proving impossible. Regina wants this band signed, and I cannot trace them anywhere. This is a big opportunity for me, and I’m doomed to fail. And then there’s that!”

  Pointing at the open door, I growled at the sound of people whispering my name.

  Rising from his seat, Adam walked over and slammed the damn thing shut.

  “Don’t let it get to you, Charlie. You’re a huge success, and you don’t need to worry about the idle gossip of the office teenagers.”

  I grunted. “I feel as though everyone is talking about the jilted bride and her arsehole ex-fiancé! It’s exhausting.”

  He smiled at me. “Come here.”

  Walking over to the desk, he brushed the contents onto the floor, which made an almighty crash. I held my hand over my mouth and stifled a laugh. What he did next was surreal. Well, for me at least. Groaning, grunting, and growling, Adam began calling my name and banging his fist on the desk.

  “Oh, Charlene! Oh, God yes! Oh, that’s so good!”

  Gesturing at me to join him, he continued to make his loud expressions of pleasure.

  “Right there. Mmm. Oh, baby!”

  Trying desperately not to laugh, I moaned, groaned, and called his name.

  “Oh, Adam! Yes, harder. No one makes me feel as good as you do!”

  I heard the distinct click of Regina’s office door locking, blushed deeply, and almost lost my composure. Watching as I played the role of office sex kitten, Adam stared wide-eyed and amazed at me. Pressing his finger to my lips, he banged three times on the desk, groaned, and gave his triumphant finishing yell.

  “Oh, Charlene! Fuck! Yes!”

  Losing control, I fell on the floor and laughed. My hands held firmly over my mouth, I rolled around and panted, trying to catch my breath. Finally calm enough to see straight, I looked up to find Adam standing over me with a gleam in his eyes.

  Holding out his hand, he took mine, yanked me from the floor and stood me in front of him. He scanned me from head to toe and grinned. Grabbing my clip, he released my long, red hair and tousled it a little. His other hand hastily unbuttoned my shirt, revealing the top of my ample cleavage and the white lace of my bra. I stared at him in horror, but was frozen in astonishment.

  “Perfect.”

  Pulling me to the door, he swung it open. Walking out backward, he made damn sure I was visible as he winked, turned, zipped up his trousers, and strolled through the sea of cubicles and gawping faces. Once he was out of their sight, every head spun around at me. Biting my lip, I smiled before brushing myself down, buttoning my shirt and straightening up.

  “Back to work! If those reports aren’t on my desk by Friday, you’ll all be here for the weekend, too! Anyone got a problem with that?” I yelled authoritatively. Bustling and hurrying back to their desks, the lemmings began hurriedly typing, making calls and pretending to be busy.

  Closing the door, I began picking up the debris from my office floor with a large grin on my face. The sounds of Adam’s primal and very convincing pleasure echoed in my ears. Wow. Who knew? Adam, my Adam, was a total stud! No wonder the girls that went out with him always looked so dopey and love struck. If his fake performance was anything to go by, I couldn’t imagine what his full and no-holds-barred show would be like!

  Shaking the thoughts of my best friend’s sex life from my mind, I continued to clear up the mess we had made. I had just sat back down at my desk when my phone buzzed beside me. Opening the message, I giggled.

  That’ll give them something to talk about. Have a good day. ;)

  Replying with a simple ‘sure will’ I pulled my hair back and tied it in a tight pony. My email was next to ping.

  From: Regina

  Re: Office Behavior

  Message: Charlene Winters. You bad, bad girl. ;)

  It seemed our little afternoon matinee had even convinced my boss. Shaking my head and still grinning like a maniac, I continued my search for the mysterious L.A. band. Maybe this day wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  Chapter 9

  Walking into the high-end and swanky gym that Ness had dragged me to, I whistled in admiration at the vast and luxurious reception area. Black leather sofas were lined up against the wall on my left, and a large glass desk was to my right. Pictures of models and fitness trainers were mounted on the wall with motivational notes below them. I was particularly taken by one that read, ‘The body is broken, but the spirit is willing.’ What the hell did that mean? If my body was broken, which it was, then my spirit had long since run off and reached for the ice cream. It hadn’t dragged my fat arse to the gym.

  Ness grabbed my arm and began pulling me through the reception and over to the stairs. I gave her a confused look.

  “The studio’s upstairs. Come on, we’ll be late!”

  Dressed in her sweatpants and vest, Ness had abs that rivaled a Spartan warrior. The woman was a force to be reckoned with—a fiery temperament, fierce personality, and wonderful loyalty. And as we reached the top of the stairs, I discovered something else about her …

  “Welcome to pole dance fitness!” she yelled.

  I gazed in horror at the sight before me. A large studio hall, with mirrored walls and an impressive sound system, was the setting for what appeared to be pole-dancing classes for a small group. Five poles were fixed between the floor and the low ceiling. I turned to Ness, speechless. Gripping my shoulders, she steered me inside.

  “You said how awful Zumba was, but that was because it was such a large group. This class is very exclusive. Luckily for you, the instructor is a client of mine. Marina is an ex-pole dancer and stripper. Now, she teaches others how to take their clothes off while she gets paid to keep hers on. Once a week, she does a fitness class. It’s a great work out for your whole body.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. Finally finding my voice, I pulled her aside and gave her a hard stare.

  “You have got to be kidding me! Ness, I can’t climb a pole!”

  “Psshh. Nonsense. Of course you can. Besides, your large thighs will give you a great grip. Just trust me, will you?”

  I had the distinct feeling that I really wasn’t going to have a choice. Rolling her eyes, she began stripping off her clothes as I watched in horror. Tying her vest into a knot and whipping off her sweats, she stood before me in skin tight, black hot pants and began to oil up her thighs. Handing me the bottle, she fisted her hands on her hips.

  “Well? Come on. Get on with it.”

  Sitting on the floor, I pulled off my own sweats, leaving my shorts where they were. There was no way I was cramming my arse into hot pants!

  “You’ll need to oil up, or you’ll find it kind of chafes.”

  Taking a handful of the sweet-smelling liquid, I began rubbing it over my legs and thighs.

  I’d just got back to my feet when a tall, toned, dark-haired woman entered the class. Making a beeline for us, she grinned.

  “Vanessa! Hi! It’s great to see you, and who’s this?”

  Turning to me, Ness introduced me to the instructor, Marina.

  “Well, I can see you’re a little nervous. Don’t be. It’s a friendly class, and I’m here to guide you through. Only attempt the moves that you feel comfortable with, etc.”

  Shooting me a warm smile, she made her way over to the CD player and hit the play button. The sound of Def Leppard filled the room as Marina began instructing us on a suitable warm up. It seemed simple enough, and I hoped that this level of simplicity would continue throughout the rest of the class. Three other women had joined us, and each was much like Ness and Marina. Skinny. Great, another class where I’m the chubby girl.

  * * * *

  After giving me a crash course in how to sex up a metal pole, Marina beamed at me.

&
nbsp; “So, now that you know the basics, it’s time to climb that pole!”

  I cringed. Gazing up at the ceiling where the pole was nailed in securely, I swallowed hard. I positioned myself in front of it, gripped it tightly between my thighs and began to pull myself up. I couldn’t believe it! The small amount of oil on my thighs meant I slipped, slid, and glided my way up! It was almost effortless. I felt triumphant and full of excitement. Flipping my hair about and swirling around the top, I felt like a Spearmint Rhino stripper, or at least a fifty-dollar lap dancer! I was glamour, sex, and sweat. It was invigorating, and I felt amazing. Looking over at Vanessa who was now spinning around the damn thing like a pro, I grinned.

  “Great, how about trying a straight drop back down?” Marina called up.

  Looking down at her, I nodded. I was easily around seven feet from the ground, but it seemed only a short distance, and I imagined since getting up there had been so straightforward, getting down would be a breeze.

  Wrong.

  Wrapping my thighs around the cool pole even tighter, I had begun my decent toward the ground confidently, when I let out an almighty cry! You see, when I had applied the damn oil, it seemed my shorts had soaked the majority up, and the tops of my inner thighs were now sliding, chafing, and sticking to the pole as I quickly headed for the ground. My crotch pressed against the bar and was now also feeling the painful effects of a rapid descent. Landing with a thud, I rolled onto my side in agony. Ness ran over and helped Marina get me to a chair where they both watched me with amusement. My legs were spread wider than a hooker’s at a stag night.

  A quick glance down at my legs, which were akimbo, made me suddenly aware of why they were sniggering. It seemed that with the rapid speed at which I had hurtled toward the floor, and the distinct lack of lubricant, had left me with severely painful red and angry marks between my thighs. They looked as though I’d had a rampant sex session with the human torch, and I had the blisters to prove it! My crotch was on fire!

  * * * *

  I sat rigidly on my sofa. I’d managed to dig out my inflatable rubber ring from my wardrobe, and it was now being used as a doughnut between my arse and the seat. Every movement made me squirm in pain. The pain reminded me of when I’d lost my virginity. The burning, scraping, and stinging was certainly a familiar feeling. If someone had told me back then that having sex for the first time would be like rubbing the inside of my vagina with sandpaper, I would have been less inclined to accept Daniel Harnet’s invitation to ‘study’ that evening. We’d eaten pizza, sprawled our books across his bed, and then knocked them off to awkwardly and clumsily hump like the horny little teenagers we were.

  Sighing heavily to myself, I reached for the remote and began flicking through the endless channels. I was set for an entire evening of being stuck on the sofa when the buzz of the intercom meant I would be forced to remove my sore and raw arse from my seat. Walking like John Wayne, I made my way over—cringing, growling and almost crying from the pain between my thighs. Due to my being a chubby girl, I lacked that gap that naturally occurred between them.

  “What do you want?” I groaned.

  “To inspect your burns. Now, buzz me in.”

  “Adam, you have a key, and I have possibly just caused a layer of skin to die between my legs just by answering the damn intercom!”

  Pulling the door open, I pressed the release button for the entrance door before waddling back to my seat on the sofa. Adam closed the door behind him and gave me a sympathetic look. He was wearing his black trousers and a pale blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, and I couldn’t help but notice how … thick his arms were as they fought to be released from the restrictive fabric.

  “Don’t look at me like that. It can’t be the first time you’ve seen this kind of injury.”

  He laughed and pulled some ointment from his pocket.

  “I usually see it on jockeys, those who enjoy straddling mechanical bulls, and some very adventurous sexual types. This is my first stripper pole injury. Now, spread your legs, baby.”

  Winking at me, he knelt down, pushed my knees a little farther apart and shook his head. I scowled down at him.

  “I’m not sure how comfortable I am with your head down there. You could at least have bought me dinner, wined me, or whispered sweet nothings first.”

  Glancing up at me over the top of his thick, black-rimmed glasses, he smiled.

  “You know I love you. What more do you want?”

  I scrunched my nose up and chuckled as he squirted the ointment into his hand before gently rubbing it into my broken skin. The cooling sensation paired with the massage of his hand made me instantly more at ease. The burning had been replaced with a very strange sensation. I wasn’t sure if it was the ointment or Adam’s hands on my inner thighs, but I felt a sense of … contentment. Jeez, it had been a long time since I’d had a man’s hands on me. In fact, it had been a long time since I’d even been satisfied in any sense by a man. I stared down at him as he continued to work the gel into my burns. Smiling, he finished, looked up, and placed a soft kiss on my knee. The two top buttons of his shirt were undone and from my angle, I could see the defined contours of his chest as the fabric pulled taught with the movement of his arms.

  Rising to his feet, he gave me a stern stare. “Promise me you won’t keep doing these stupid classes? You’re going to end up really doing some damage. You’re body wasn’t made for this stuff, Charlie. If you really want to get in shape, I ‘ll help you.”

  I gave him an inquisitive look. “How?”

  He made his way over to the kitchen sink and washed his hands.

  “Well, we’ll start with a diet and nutrition profile, and I’ll also give you some exercises to do. Then, when you’re ready, you can start running with me. I run three times a week in the evening so it won’t interfere with your schedule. What do you say?”

  I thought for a moment and then cast my eyes down at my thighs. It wasn’t as though I had anything to lose. Sighing with defeat, I nodded.

  “Okay, Doc. You win.”

  He grinned. “Good.”

  Grabbing two bottles of mineral water from the refrigerator, he strolled over and bounced down onto the sofa beside me.

  “For the record, Charlie, you’re gorgeous. Brad’s a jerk, and your weight has nothing to do with his cheating. He’s an arsehole, and he doesn’t deserve you anyway. You could be the size of this couch, and you’d still be worth ten of him or his little hussy.”

  Draping a protective arm around my shoulders, he scooted closer. “I assume our performance at the office caused a bit of a stir.”

  I laughed. “Oh, yes. It was all everyone could talk about. You don’t really sound like that when you … you know …”

  Taking a sip of his water, the corner of his mouth curved up into a smile. “Maybe. Do you sound like that when you … you know …” he teased.

  I bit my lip. “I guess you’ll never know, stud.”

  He nudged me playfully. “I’ve heard you, remember?”

  I gave him a puzzled look.

  “College. There was that party at Dana’s? You and some guy from your class. Josh, I think it was. You disappeared and when I tracked you down, you were both sneaking into the spare room. The whole top floor could hear that.”

  I blushed and stared at him with my mouth open wide. His head rolled back and he laughed—hard.

  “Well, with a mouth like that, no wonder he was enjoying it so much, Charlie!”

  I picked up one of the throw pillows and threw it at his head.

  “I cannot believe you were listening. You pervert.”

  He smirked at me. “Hey, at least one of us was getting some.”

  I shook my head and pretended to be offended. “Well, at the rate I’m going these days, I think my hymen is almost totally healed over. There’s cobwebs in there.”

  Adam cringed. “Appealing. Well, I’m sure your little dry spell is only temporary. I mean, if it weren’t for those dam
n burns you have, I’d certainly throw you down.”

  I almost choked on the mouthful of water I had taken. Shaking his head and patting my back gently, Adam grinned wickedly.

  “Relax, baby girl. I’m teasing.”

  Settling back onto the sofa, he began flicking through the channels. I stared at him a while, slightly in shock. He was kidding, wasn’t he? Giving me a sideways glance, he leaned in and pecked me on the cheek.

  Of course he was kidding. Adam was my friend. And friends don’t have sex. It’s complicated, ruins entire relationships, and yet the thought of his hands on my thighs, the sounds of his groans and moans, and the intoxicating smell of his designer aftershave … was making me distinctly horny.

  Rolling my eyes, I mentally chastised myself for being so ridiculous. I clearly needed to get laid. Soon.

  Chapter 10

  Thanks to Adam’s diet regime, I had lost fifteen pounds, however, I was beginning to notice a distinct plateau in progress. It always happened to me. I’d lose a hefty amount of weight and then find I became stuck between bell thighs and muffin top. I had been flicking through a copy of my favorite women’s magazine at work when I’d stumbled across the latest detox diet. It seemed simple enough. You didn’t eat anything solid and lived on specialty soups, smoothies, and juices for a month.

  While on my lunch break at work, I’d scoured the internet for all the recipes and information I could find for my new liquid detox. The recipes consisted of fruit, vegetables, natural herbs and some strange ingredients that I’d never even heard of. Luckily, links for online stockists were a click away. I’d now been on the damn thing for two weeks, and to say I was suffering was an understatement. My stomach was churning like a washing machine, and I’d spent so much time in the bathroom, I was considering sending out change of address cards! My insides were akin to a large water slide! I’d been chowing down bottles of prune juice, cucumber and papaya smoothies, and some very questionable soups. I wasn’t sure what some of those ingredients had been when I added them, but roughly translated, I believed it meant laxative or peeing out of my behind!